The "stop eating when it hurts" diet

So, perhaps in response to the sudden lack of Harry Potter in my life, I have been missing out on trips to the gym and replacing them with pie. One cannot live for long in the shadow of that unbalanced equation, for soon one will outgrow such a shadow.

And so I am embarking upon healthy living with renewed vigor, armed with tools provided by FitDay via Miss Gulley. It helps me keep track of how many calories I'm actually taking in and expending in the course of a normal day. Let me just say this. You can eat as many of Subway's turkey sandwiches as you want, provided you don't double the cheese or add anything more caloric than mustard, and you won't get fat. My theory is that it's like beer--you can't actually hold enough to do too much damage. Today, I've consumed about 900 calories, and I've gone through two of my three meals. This puts me in a much better spot than I was yesterday, when I skipped breakfast, but after lunch I had ingested over 1900 calories.

This was probably due to the two turkey sandwiches, the bread and butter I ate because I was too impatient to make a third sandwich, and the quarter of an apple pie I ate à la mode. The pie alone accounted for over 700 calories. When I finished that meal, I actually hurt.

So, I charted out my weight loss goal, and--no, let me stop right here. If you're one of those people who discourage those who aren't already overweight from losing weight, then f*ck you, hard; just because I'm not a lard ass already doesn't mean I need to be one before I qualify for your support. When I look in the mirror and think, "Man, I wish I could look like this without sucking in," or, "These pants used to fit really well..." then it's time for me to consider trimming off some excess fat and going to the gym more often. I have had too many people say they're worried about me developing an eating disorder or some other such bullshit concern. If you've ever seen me in front of a plate of anything alfredo, you know I'm not in any danger of becoming anorexic. And since I don't throw it up afterward, that officially makes me completely fine. Don't cut down my attempts at self-improvement to be more comfortable with your own tubby self. /rant

Like I was saying, I charted out my weight loss goal of 11 pounds in five-ish weeks, and I think I can do it if I really stick to eating smaller portions and start going to the gym five or six days a week again. The gym part doesn't really scare me, since I enjoy the exercise, and I LOVE answering my iPhone while I'm there: since people just see you wearing a pair of white earbuds, and you're not holding anything that really looks like a phone, they assume you're having a conversation with yourself; it's great.

Thirsty Thursday's tonight. I'm out to have some fun with the guys from the office at El Maguey. I'll cool it on the chips and limit myself to two Bud Lites.